


Whispers of a lost mind

by lely00



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Kidnapping, M/M, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lely00/pseuds/lely00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Revelations"AU: Spencer isn't an FBI agent. He's a victim kidnapped by Tobias Henkel. He's saved, but he can't return to his life, haunted by horrible memories. The agent who saved him, Aaron Hotchner, can't seem to forget him and tries to help him but the kid's pain will soon drag them both in an abyss of desperation.How can you save someone who simply doesn't want to be saved?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys! This is a new story I wrote a few months ago. This is a translation too, so if you see any mistakes please let me know. It was particularly difficult to translate.
> 
> WARNINGS: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN RAPE/NON CON SCENES! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it !

**Whispers of a lost mind**

 

It was difficult to tell the difference between the trees and any human figure in the darkness of that little graveyard. The full moon was bright in the sky, but its light was not enough to enlighten that gloomy place. Aaron Hotchner was holding his gun in front of him, ready to shoot any moving thing. The autumn wind hit his face with stinging slaps, but the agent tried really hard to stay focused. He was used to murder cases but now the man couldn't afford any distraction. Not when the victim was still alive and the difference between his life and death depended on a simple, little mistake on Aaron's part.

Agent Rossi was behind him, Aaron could hear his footsteps and he was sure that the other would protect him no matter what. The two agents wandered almost completely in the dark, until Aaron saw a little movement from a nearby spot. Even David must have noticed it , because Aaron heard his footsteps getting quieter and more cautious, like a cat chasing a mouse. Agent Hotchner imitated his colleague, trying to remain as quiet as possible, as they approached two nearby figures. One of them was standing, unaware of their presence. The agents could see his back from where they were approaching.

The other figure was bent in what looked like a small hole in the ground, his back was trembling.

As he approached, Aaron recognized the bent figure on the ground as their young victim. Spencer Reid, 22, missing from three days.

The last time he was seen Spencer was leaving the coffee shop of the university campus where he studied. Just a few meters' walk and the boy disappeared. The first police's hypothesis was a runaway, given the young age of the victim. But as the police department investigated the boy's life, that possibility was ruled out immediately.

The young man was lonely and socially awkward but nothing in his life justified the need to run away. The second hypothesis was a kidnapping. The police department had given high priority to Spencer's case and the agents had identified the kidnapper in a few days. Tobias Hankel, 24. He was a student at Spencer's same college.

He was a victim himself, though.

His father, a religious fanatic, abused him when he was a little child and at the man's death Tobias had fallen into a strong depression. The boy suffered from a rare personality disorder that he managed to keep under control by abusing drugs.

Now Tobias was right in front of Aaron, so close and vulnerable. It would have been so easy to move him away from Spencer and arrest him, no one would have got hurt. But Murphy's Law teaches us that if something can go wrong, it will definitely go wrong. Few meters divided agent Hotchner from Hankel, when the young victim noticed the two officers approaching and he turned his head to look at them and beg them to help him. This didn't go unnoticed to Tobias.

As the agents tried to move quickly to disarm him, the sick young man was quicker and a second later Spencer Reid was standing before them,used as a shield by his kidnapper who threatened to put an end to his young life by holding a knife to his throat. "Drop the knife and step away from him! " David shouted , standing just behind Aaron. Tobias looked very nervous, the knife against his victim's throat was visibly shaking in his hand.

Spencer closed his eyes and tried to stay as still as possible, scared to death. His kidnapper kept his eyes to the ground, as if he was afraid to look the two agents in the eyes. "I- I didn't want to do it ... H- he - forced me," he murmured, his voice barely audible. Aaron took the chance "We know it's not your fault ... your father did this to you ... but you can do the right thing now ... Spencer is innocent, let him go, do the right thing "he said. A glimmer of hope crept into his heart when he saw Tobias shaking his head, unsure of what to do, before lowering his knife. Aaron's shoulders relaxed a little. But, just a moment later, Henkel's behavior and his posture changed again. His body was straight, his eyes were hard , no trace of fear was recognizable in them.

Tobias grabbed his victim's long hair with a rapid movement , exposing his throat to his two saviors.

The tip of the knife was pressed against his skin, causing a tiny scratch. Spencer barely suppressed a cry of surprise and sheer terror. The two officers returned alert, guns still in their hands and pointed at the head of the kidnapper. "Sinners have to pay with blood! "Henkel shouted, his voice noticeably different, similar to that of a mature man.

The voice that belonged to his dead father. It all happened in a few seconds, Aaron would never be able to recall that scene in details.

Tobias gripped the knife with more force, ready to kill his victim. Then it was a loud bang and his body was on the ground, hit by Aaron's bullet.

Tobias laid there, lifeless, staring at the starry sky wide-eyed and motionless. Aaron ran to the young victim who had fallen to the ground with a groan of pain, his body too weak and tired. The agent grabbed his arm, quickly pulling him up. The young man was barefoot and the agent noticed that the kid's right ankle was swollen and his skin was a strange shade of purple.

It was probably dislocated or even broken. "It's okay ... it's all over, let me bring you to the car , you're safe now..." Aaron muttered, trying to reassure the victim as best as he could. The poor kid was shaking like a leaf in the cold air of October.

Aaron didn't expect what happened next.

Spencer hugged him, clinging to him as if his life depended on the agent, as if he could disappear and leave him alone in that ditch. "I knew you would find me ... he said that no one would come looking for me, but I knew- that ..." the boy couldn't finish his sentence, interrupted by violent sobs that shook his fragile body. Shocked by the young man's reaction, the agent searched his colleague's eyes.

Rossi was staring at the young victim with sad eyes. Aaron nodded, holding the boy in his arms, hugging him tightly as if he wanted to protect him from the cold.

"It's okay, you're safe now ..." As he spoke he felt the young man press himself closer to his body and the sobs that shook him didn't want to stop. "You're safe now. Everything will be ok " Hotchner said ,slowly leading the boy to his car. Neither Spencer nor Aaron knew that nothing would ever be the same again. Nothing would ever be ok again.


	2. Chapter 2

The hospital room where he was brought was very quiet and seemed suspended, far away from space and time, far away from the world that was waiting for him just outside the door, full of dangers and pain.

But the silence that surrounded him was not peaceful.

That silence gave Spencer's mind the possibility to think. And his thoughts were dark and horrible at that moment, and the kid tried so hard not to let his thoughts haunt his mind but it was in vain.

The boy sighed and the strong smell of alcohol and disinfectant was enough to bring him back in time, in that dark shed, in his kidnapper's hands…

* * *

****

**_Flashback_ **

 

_˝Please… P-please.. don't do it…˝ he had begged him, staring at him with his large, frightened and confused brown eyes._

_Tobias was different from the last time he saw him, the night before, when he had dragged him in that dark shed, tied him to a chair and beaten him._

_Now his kidnapper seamed much more nervous and agitated but much less intimidating._

_Even his voice sounded different._

_Tobias had watched the kid's wounds as if he didn't know that it was him who had caused them. And he seemed so worried about them._

_˝I will help you, I know what to do… ˝_

_Suddenly Tobias was closer to him and he was loosing his belt with his right hand._

_Spencer was now frozen in fear, waiting for the worst to happen. He tried to lift his bound wrists, trying to protect himself._

_Instead he watched Tobias kneel before him and tighten his belt around the kid's arm._

_Only then had the young victim realized his kidnapper's true intentions._

_Spencer had started to struggle on the wooden chair, trying with all his might to free his arm from the man's grip._

_But he was too scared, too cold and too hungry to do it._

_When he had watched Tobias pull out a syringe from his pocket, his shakings had became more intense, as if he was having a seizure._

_˝ I d- don't want it… I don't want it, please! ˝_

* * *

˝I don't want it… ˝ he murmured, his eyes wide open and staring at the wall in front of him, not really seeing it.  
Aaron stared at him, sitting at his side, for the first time unable to decide what to do.  
He had entered his room a few minutes before.  
His department had sent him to question the boy in order to write the report and close the case once and for all.  
Hotchner had found the boy in those conditions, motionless, staring at a nightmare that was not really in the room.  
Watching those huge brown eyes so lost and veiled shocked him.

Working in the homicide squad had certainly not prepared him to deal with such pain;

victims with whom he was dealing were usually already dead and their families' reactions were not even close to that of the young man who was now sitting in front of him.

And, truth being said, Aaron had never been an empath. Even his closest friends couldn't say they saw him smile more than a dozen times in his entire life.  
He couldn't imagine what the young man had gone through, but that terrified look told him the nightmare he lived.  
He decided to do something, despite not knowing how Spencer would react to his movement.  
When his hand touched the boy's shoulder, he didn't move, didn't even blink.  
"Kid? "Aaron spoke softly, using a pet name, trying to be polite and put the other at ease.  
The cold look that he usually used in the interrogation room wouldn't help him now.

But his voice did nothing to shake the young man from his nightmare.  
Aaron decided to risk.  
He lifted his hand again, and this time he gently placed it on the boy's cheek.  
The kid's skin was cold and pale as ivory.  
This time, Spencer reacted to the touch.  
The boy jumped, literally, as when someone is suddenly awakened from a deep sleep.  
He began to look around frantically, terrified and confused, until his huge and tearful eyes came to rest on Aaron's face, who instinctively put his hands up, showing him that he meant no danger.

"It's alright, it's alright! "He said immediately. He noted that Spencer's posture had changed.

Now he seemed like a wounded animal, scared but trying to be threatening. His eyes were hard and suspicious.  
"You're in the hospital ... no one will hurt you here," Aaron said, lowering his hands again.  
Spencer's shoulders relaxed, but only slightly. His body was still tense, still alert, still ready to defend himself from any danger.  
Aaron knew it would need some time for the young man to feel completely safe again.  
"What are you doing here? I thought your job was done ... " Spencer murmured .  
Aaron's eyes widened in surprise.  
His tone was so hard, cold, and didn't seem to fit at all to the fragile boy in front of him.  
It had nothing to do with the frightened young man he had seen moments before and the young shocked victim who had thrown his arms around him the night before and had clung to him with all his might.  
Hotchner answered him with the calmer tone he could manage, "They sent me to write your report ... ' he remained vague, unwilling to brutally invade the other man's space.

But the young man wasn't certainly stupid, Aaron knew it.  
"Say it like it is ... I'm not a baby," the tears that veiled his eyes were betraying him. It was clear that as hard as he was trying to put up a brave face in front of the agent, all he really wanted to do was actually burst into tears.  
The agent nodded, "I don't you're a baby, Spencer" he said.

"I'm here to ask you some questions," he added, measuring the other man's reactions.  
Spencer stared into his eyes, trying to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds, but his gaze trembled slightly, "I didn't say you could use my first name" was his dry response.  
Surprised again, Aaron nodded "You're right ... in fact I didn't introduce myself. I am Agent Aaron Hotchner and I work for the police department… I worked on your case˝  
Spencer nodded, a small smile creased his lips. It was a cynical, provocative smile and it didn't soft the look in his eyes "And I presume you know who I am. I imagine that you agents have discovered everything that there was to know about me ... I don't need to introduce myself, " Reid said, with a voice harsher than that he used just seconds before.

Aaron didn't have time to answer as the other spoke again "I can imagine how much fun you had ..." he grinned, but Aaron saw that he was about to burst into loud sobs.  
The agent shook his head, "I don't know what you mean ..." he said, unsure of what to do with the boy.  
His behavior was unbearable, but Aaron knew he had to remain calm . The young man was clearly in shock.  
"You know how he managed to abduct me, Agent Hotchner? "Spencer replied with another question.  
Aaron shook his head, now slightly embarrassed "No ... not really, that's why I'm here ... to understand"  
"What is there to understand? " the young man interrupted him suddenly," How is it possible that a 22 years old man could let a stranger kidnap him without even fighting for his life? How is it possible that a stranger could grab him, lift him off the ground like a little child and slam him into his car without even a little struggle ? Don't you think it's pathetic? "He said, angrily.  
His face was a bloody shade of red, tears were now free from his red eyes and the boy was hitting his leg with hard and violent punches as if he was trying to punish himself for what had happened to him.  
Aaron couldn't bear it.  
He stood up and grabbed Spencer's closed fist, stopping that useless punishment.

The boy's eyes widened but, to Aaron's surprise, he didn't turn away, he didn't jump out of his skin and didn't cry out.

He just looked at him with those huge eyes that had so much pain in them.  
"No ... I don't think it's pathetic ..." Aaron muttered, trying to smile at him.  
Spencer stared at him for a few seconds, but they seemed like centuries to Hotch.  
The light in the boy's eyes was trembling, or maybe it was him who was just shaking.  
Staring at him, Aaron felt useless. He could do nothing to take all the pain away from those brown eyes.  
But Aaron wasn't willing to leave him alone neither.  
he would do anything to make him feel better and safe.

Spencer looked away, staring at Aaron's hand, still clutched in his.  
Seeing their hands like that, the young man abruptly took away his hand from the agent's.  
"You want me to tell you how it went? Okay, but then I want you out of this room, "he said, suddenly lowering his eyes.  
Aaron nodded.

He had gone in there to do his job and nothing else. Once his job would be done, he would leave.

He took out a notebook from his bag, with slow and measured movements. During the entire operation, the man felt the boy's eyes follow every movement.  
When he lifted his gaze back on him, the boy was staring back at the wall in front of him.  
Maybe it would be easier for him to tell him all his horrible story without looking him in the eyes.  
Aaron was ready, but Reid wasn't. He wanted the young man to feel comfortable.

He would have waited.

It took Spencer a minute to start his story. Hotchner was startled by his voice and he immediately started to write down his report.  
"It all started about a month ago ..."

* * *

****

**Flashback**

 

_The first time he saw Tobias their meeting had taken place along the corridors of the college building._  
_Spencer had walked through those corridors thousands of times, he knew them very well and he just kept walking without really looking at where he was going._  
_Spencer was late for his class that morning and he wasn't used to it._  
_Derek Morgan, his roommate, had convinced him to go out the night before and drink._

_Drink a lot, actually._

_He had went to sleep late, too late, and again Spencer was not used to it. The great amount of alcohol that flowed in his veins didn't help him to wake up._  
_So he found himself running like a madman down the corridors, looking for his class. His sunglasses defended his sensitive eyes from the neon lights of the building and a cup of coffee in his right hand was helping him cope with his terrible headache._  
_In his rush he hadn't noticed the student who was running in the opposite direction, just as confused as him._  
_He couldn't stop in time, unfortunately. A second later, they were both on the ground, surrounded by spilled coffee and scattered papers._  
_Despite the severe headache, Spencer brought himself up and began to collect everything he had dropped, while saying, "I'm sorry, so sorry ... I wasn't looking ... I'm sorry," over and over._  
_He expected to be insulted by the other student._  
_Instead, the other bent down and helped him put everything back in place._  
_"It was not your fault, It was mine… I was the one who wasn't looking ..." he murmured._  
_Spencer noticed how the other seemed much more nervous than him._  
_His blue eyes stared at him only when Spencer wasn't looking._  
_He picked up the stranger's books and handed them to him, smiling slightly._  
_"It was my fault, really ... um ... ... last night I drank a lot and today I'm far less coordinated than usual ..."_  
_Suddenly, he noticed that the other man's eyes had changed._  
_Suddenly he had looked him straight in the eyes and they were certainly different. The clear blue eyes had become darker._  
_His eyes had become suddenly hard ..._  
_Spencer noticed that change just for a second, because the next second the other boy had bowed his face again, smiling, embarrassed._  
_Slightly unnerved by that sudden change in the boy's posture, Spencer had decided to introduce himself "My name is Spencer…Spencer Reid...", "Tobias "Nice to meet you, my name is Tobias Hankel"_

* * *

"Tobias was obsessed with sin. His father was a religious fanatic and his son grew up in fear of his rage ... So hunted by his father's figure, at his death Tobias has found a way to keep him alive ... He had three different personalities, the man who hurt you was actually his father "Hotchner had interrupted Spencer's story without even realizing it.  
The young man stared at him for a second, nodding slowly .

"Yes, I noticed that change several times ... he looked like a completely different person ... he was v-violent and ..." His voice cracked slightly, but he managed to hold back his tears.  
Aaron noticed the way the young man grabbed his right arm, as if he was trying to protect it from the agent's gaze.  
He didn't give it importance, though. Spencer was very nervous.

He waited a few minutes, before asking him to go ahead.  
"I saw him again two days ago ... at the cafeteria. I didn't recognize him at first ... "the boy paused again, taking a deep breath," We walked together for a few meters ... then, we arrived in an alley ... he ... he distracted me ... he told me that something had slipped out of my bag and I stared down ... I have been so stupid! Stupid! "He shouted, hitting his leg with his fist.  
Before Hotchner could stop him, Spencer calmed down and began to talk again

"I was an idiot ... an idiot ... but it all happened so fast ... I looked down and I felt him grab me. I tried to struggle but he put something ... uhm.. a wet rag on my face ... I don't know ... all I know is that the next moment I felt very tired .. I couldn't keep my eyes open, "Spencer was now trembling visibly.

"Chloroform ..." Aaron muttered, writing it in his notebook.  
"Yeah… I think so ... I t tried with all my might to stay awake ... but I couldn't ... the last thing I saw was the inside of his car. .. then only darkness "  
At the end of the story, the boy was exhausted and it was increasingly difficult for him to breathe.  
Aaron put away his notebook and stood up. He didn't want to startle the boy lying on the bed in front of him.  
But he felt it was his duty to do something, say something, because the other didn't deserve all that pain he was feeling.  
"I- I ... I don't think you were weak. And I don't think you are right now, after all you've been through ... ".  
Spencer quickly wiped a single tear from his cheek .  
His hands were trembling more and more as time passed.

˝You got what you wanted, agent Hotchner ... now you can go ..." the boy said, lying back on the bed, turning his back to the agent to avoid his eyes.  
Aaron slightly lifted a hand to touch him again. He didn't care about that stupid report.  
He just wanted to be near him, he just wanted to help him, but he had no idea how.  
"Spencer, I ..." he murmured, his words barely audible.  
"Goodbye, Agent Hotchner," Reid said, then he just stopped talking, pretending to be asleep.  
Aaron couldn't do nothing but leave the room.  
He didn't know that that simple action would haunt him for the rest of his days.


End file.
